Good Morning! It's time for week 4 of #mondaymorningbookclub! We are excited to have this amazing momma, Carla from Heart in High Cotton with us today as she is going over chapters 11-13 from "The Best Yes" by Lysa Terkeurst. If you have a break in your day today go over and check out her blog and Insta feed, it is absolutely wonderful! Enjoy!....
Happy Monday, y'all! I hope you had
the sweetest weekend with family, eating your favorite foods, and
hopefully everyone in the family enjoyed an extra-long, tryptophan
induced nap!
I'm so glad you're here checking in
for our weekly Monday Morning Book Club and I'm thrilled to get to guest
post today! For those of you who don't know me, let me introduce
myself. I'm Carla and I blog over at
Heart in High Cotton
- mostly chronicling my
adventures in motherhood, sharing my favorite Southern recipes, and the
thoughts Jesus puts on my heart. I have two beautiful baby girls that
keep me on my toes and fill my heart
so full. I've been married to my ball-capped sweetheart for almost 5
years and I truly believe that because of Jesus' grace and mercy my
heart is "in high cotton." This morning I'll share with you some
highlights and takeaways from
chapters 11-13 of
The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst. If you've been
reading along you know this book has been a treasure packed with truth and encouragement for the weary mama's heart!
Chapter 11: The Power of the Small No
The small (and big) no can be really
hard, particularly for us Type A, people-pleaser personalities. It's an
awful feeling when we believe our "no" will be a disappointment. Lisa
suggests that
even a "small no can be given in such a way that it becomes a gift rather than a curse." Proverbs 24:26, "[an] honest answer is like a warm hug."
Two typical responses are to respond
with a quick yes without tracing that 'river's path' or a defense
mechanism of delay. Lysa very poignantly suggested that neither are
necessarily a good way to respond. Earlier
in the book we've looked at the peril of a quick yes without
considering the cost. However, the issue of delaying cut straight to me.
Oh, how I could identify with when she said, "we delay - as if delay
will somehow make this request go away so we don't have
to deal with it." Even if it is a small request/issue, a "no" can seem
huge when it means feelings will be hurt or someone will be
disappointed. I appreciated how Lysa suggested that delaying isn't just a
defense mechanism but it's also unfair. It builds false
hope, prevents other plans, and eventually makes receiving more
difficult. Personally, I was encouraged that out of consideration for
others I can purpose to resist delaying.
I have loved how Lysa keeps each
chapter balanced between determining the "best yes" while keeping in
mind that saying no to everything doesn't work either. She duly noted
that a "no! ninja, karate-chopping response"
to everyone can result in suffering relationships. We can do great
jobs, be nice, etc while remembering we can not take on every
responsibility offered.
In this chapter she also talks about
"tracing the river." A metaphor for thinking long-term as it relates to
making decisions. It's important that we don't jump into a raging river
of demand without considering
how consuming the metaphorical current will be. We should be people of
faith, trusting God to lead us through those rivers but we should also
be wise people listening to His calling. Maybe we aren't intended to
jump in, but rather walk alongside the water,
listening to His instruction. "We can't forget why we give small "no"
answers. It's so we can have the white space and wherewithal to
recognize God's assignments and give Best Yes answers to those."
Chapter 12: The Awkward Disappointment of Saying No
Bless her heart, Lysa begins this
chapter with the description of a painfully awkward experience. However,
she goes on to share that as uncomfortable as that situation was it was
through the experience she was
able to find her Best Yes appointment with God. Without a doubt there
will be times when the pursuit for our Best Yes results in an awkward
situation. No one really likes to be told no, but it's important to
remember the reason we push through the awkwardness.
Even if we have to repeat it out loud we must recite to our selves,
"I will not let the awkward disappointments of others keep me from my Best Yes appointments with God."
It's confidence and conviction in our
Best Yes that helps us learn to graciously push past the awkward. And as
always, our confidence and conviction must rest in God's Word. It has
to be front and center. "We have
to be thinking about it, be able to quote it. Refuse to let fear and
discouragement hold us back." A perfect scripture to hold fast to is
Joshua 1:7-9.
"Be strong and very courageous. Be
careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from
it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you
go. Keep this Book of the Law always
on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful
to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and
successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not
be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your
God will be with you wherever you go."
Chapter 13: But What if I say No and They Stop Liking Me?
This chapter cuts straight to the
chase - that proverbial elephant in the room we've avoided calling out.
People pleasing. Y'all, the struggle is so real on this one. Everyone
wants to be liked. It's a tough pill
to swallow when you realize no matter how hard you try, we cannot make
everyone happy.
Lysa creates the perfect case-study
scenario for when a "yes" really needed to be a "no." I'd be willing to
bet the scene or something similar has played out in each of our homes.
She agreed to do something she
knew was going to be stretch. She felt pressure for approval and
subsequently her family endured the consequences. She found herself
snapping at the children, arguing with her husband, and cleaning up a
massive pile of soggy cereal on the kitchen floor as
the guilt set in. Why did she get caught up in this? Why do the
opinions of others matter so much?
"So another mom will say thank you and maybe be impressed by your Rice Krispy treats for 5.3 seconds?" We must "resolve instead to make decisions based on what
is realistic - not on trying to earn the approval of or impress another."
Here's the thing, in healthy
relationships, when you respond with a "no" the other party understands.
She knows your heart and if you say, "no" there is more to the story or
a good reason. Sure, you're there for
her at other times- you just can't be there every single time. "If
they push back when you say no, that's disrespectful on their part. And
if you play along, it's dysfunctional on your part." That
is not love. Y'all
I can't stress this enough - there is no need to participate in
dysfunction. It's unhealthy, unnecessary, and usually undetected. Simply
put, "at the end of the day, a healthy relationship isn't void of
service. Of course we must serve, love, give, be available, help, and
contribute to the greater good. But we must have the freedom to say yes
or no responsibly without fear of emotional consequences."
Lastly,
she talks about the strings that we attach to acts of service. If I do
this, then I will get that. If I make sure this is done,
then they will appreciate me. "[We] need to be able to say yes to
something without presuming this yes will make a way for me to feel
more, have more, or have more owed to [us.]"
I
pray that we can be women motivated by love and not fear. That we'd do
what Jesus calls us to do and walk in freedom when He says in
the quiet of our heart we need to sit this one out.
What are some of the biggest things
that impacted you as you read through these chapter? Please share your
thoughts, responses or questions in the comments box below! I can't wait
to hear how each of you are learning
and growing as we walk through this journey together! Also, don't
forget to hop on over and join us on Instagram for further discussion in
our weekly #mondaymorningbookclub chat loop! Until next week, happy
reading!
With Love,
Carla
